fredag 6. mars 2009

If… if I don’t make it… tell Sven he’s… tell him he’s… he’s pretty fly for a white guy… uuuuughh…

02.03.2009
Current Location: 
Helligskogen, Norway.
An abandoned military base near the border of Finland and Sweden. Once the first line of defense against the oncoming Russian assault, now, a mere shadow of its former self, its walls standing only out of spite.


00.54 GMT+1
Moe was anxious. Long had he known this moment would come, and he did not much enjoy the fact it was approaching. In just about twenty minutes he would have to return to the dark realm that awaited him outside, return to that cursed labyrinth of the mind, and sacrifice more wooden souls to the dark gods that await in that fiery pit.

01.10
Who knew what horrors would assail him the moment he opened the door? Sounds had been heard throughout the house since he got there this past morning. He had gone through the motions. He’d told himself it was an old building, and that it had a lot of creaks and groans left in it. Besides, it was probably just the wind. Yeap, it was probably just in his head. In fact, he wasn’t even sure he really heard it anyway. 


Moe was found the next morning, in this near abandoned camp... muttering silently to himself. And it went a little something like this:

"She stepped down from her carriage at 10 Vermillon Street
I took off my roustabout and slung it to her feet
We went into her parlor and she cooled me with her fan
But said i'll go no further with a fantasy makin' man

I said i'd walk on Ponchatrain for what you have today
Just to drink from your deep well and i'll be on my way
She laughed and heaven filled the room said this i give to you
This body's wisdom is the flesh,but here's a thing or two

Death and hell are never full
And neither are the eyes of men
Cats can fly from nine stories high
And pigs can see the wind

She let me make my pallet in the moonlight on the floor
Just outside of paradise but right in hell's back door
The image of her nibbled at the eye of my soul
My dreams were a hurricane and quite out of control

Then her voice came through the storm it's more than flesh ideal
You will have to pay for any wisdom that you steal
I awoke to tinted windows and lavender and red
The first station of the cross is just above my head
I awoke to gargoyles and a hard bench for my bed
Jesus Christ and Pontias Pilate were just above my head

Death and hell are never full
And neither are the eyes of men
Cats can fly from nine stories high
And pigs can see the wind"

The three men who found him were so frightened they beat him to death. The end.

I was bored while I was guarding the fire, ok? Having to go outside every 30 minutes to do something that takes 5-10 minutes puts a limit on the things you can do. I did play some dwarf fortress. That was awesome. Made a labyrinthine tomb and errythang.

So yesterday, that would be the fifth of march, I was icebathing. That sure was a thing. A really fun thing. Don't know if I would like to do it again just yet, but hey. The adrenaline kick was incredible. I would definetly recommend it to everyone.

The rest of my service mainly consists of sitting in an office being bored. Oh welllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll...

søndag 22. februar 2009

And so, the tale begins.

After going through the recruit period, which ranged from "Well, I guess this isn't that bad..." to "Mothercocking hell, this shit be cold, Homedog.", I've been home the last week on leave, or whatever the hell you godforsaken Englishmen call it. It's been sweet, but that's not why this blog is here. Setermoen is a real cold place. We were on some sort of practice thing. Out in the forest, playing war.
I learned a lot of things:

"DON'T JUST STAND STILL! THAT SHIT'LL KILL YOU IN THE COLD! IF YOU AIN'T GOT SHIT TO DO, RUN AROUND THE CAMP!"

A spiritburner could easily kill an entire tent if you're not watchful. STAY AWAKE!

The stock of an AG3 can easily break in the cold.

A pussy does not look like a pouting mouth. (???)

The enemy always attacks right after the sergeant comes in and tells us to be on guard.

The sergeants are people too. (At least some times)

When it's negative 40 effective degrees centigrade (or farenheit, incidentally, that is the spot where the two measurements are exactly the same) STAY THE FUCK INSIDE, DON'T JOIN THE ARMY.


Other than that, I guess I still haven't broke down.

I could write more. But I feel it will have greater effect to reference the events during future posts.
I am writing this from my brand new laptop, Crackity Jones. So this thing will actually not be dead. Or something.

Going back tomorrow. Do not want.
See you around

Btw, this what I look like now.

plus Håkon.

mandag 12. januar 2009

Last day before stuff happens.

All sorts of shit needed sorting out today, and all that shit has been sorted. I am fully packed up, and pretty much ready to go. Getting up between nought-five hundred and nought-six hundred hours. Goodbyes have been exchanged; some with a hidden smile, and some with hidden tears. Not that I would cry, that's wish-wash and balderdash. The hidden tears were provided entirely by the other party.

"WUT DID U PAK?" I hear you shout, so here is the list, in no particular order.

Sean Connery, my trusty, yet so far unused, Leatherman
"Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas" by Hunter S. Thompson
"Slaughterhouse 5" by Kurt Vonnegut
"Soul Music" & "Thief Of Time" by Terry Pratchett
"The Ass Saw The Angel" by Nick Cave
Nintendo DS with Elite Beat Agents, Geometry Wars, Phoenix Wright and Pokeymans.
Four Sandman Graphic Novels (Lent to me by darling Elin)
Ingeniør Knut Berg, comic (Knut Berg, Engineer) (Given for Christmas by Kjersti)
iPod Touch with 20 gig worth of songs
A headlamp
Soap
Deodorant
Toothbrush & toothpaste
Electric shaver
Cellphone
Wristwatch
Quickshine shoe-shining stuff. For those times when I just don't have time to do it proper
Two Ballpoint pens
One HB pencil
One Pencil Sharpener
One Eraser
A sketchbook gifted me by my friend Thunderstone
Digital Camera (Not my DSLR, Hell fucken no. Maybe after boot camp)
Charging equipment for all these electronic whatsits
Two t-shirts
Some boxer shorts

Pretty much all other things will be provided by the Army.
And with that, I am off. Sleep is a logical next step.
See y'all around the bend.

-Andreas

P.S.: I will name my gun after you, Elin.

P.P.S.: I will name my eventual sidearm after you, Sven.

Edit:


Cut hair for the army a short while back. Here's the before and after:

Before:
Photobucket

After:
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